It occurred to me in thinking about how to share Milo’s name story that I have only ever told you half of each of our name stories. Since we have never (except with Freya, by accident) found out what we were having before the birth, we have had to choose a boy name as well as a girl name for each one. Some have asked me if we’ve kept the same “boy name” in reserve for all of our babies. I wish I could tell you it was that simple. In fact, the boy half of the name story has almost always been the more dramatic and contentious, and this time was no exception.
So let me start you at the very beginning of our naming journey. Pippa would have been Miles had she been a boy. And that was probably the last time we agreed easily on a boy name. For Ro, Bea, and June, we remained gridlocked until the bitter end, me pushing for the nickname Gus with any and every full name option under the sun, and Trevor loving Barnaby.
By the time we were naming Coraline’s boy alter ego, there were a few more names on the table, but we had kind of settled into a routine of not taking the boy name discussions quite as seriously as the girl ones. In fact, Trevor admitted after she was born that he didn’t really like the name he had agreed to (Felix) but was sure enough that it wouldn’t matter that he was willing to risk it.
And so it went with them all until this pregnancy, which definitely felt (boyishly) different to both of us.
For almost all of our children, the one guiding force in naming them has been the honor name. We have gotten more creative with this over the years, and we have increasingly been trying to name each baby after more than one person as it has seemed increasingly likely to be our last baby. (See: Freya Poppy, who was named after her grandad Peter GodFREY, and her POP-pop.)
This time we hoped to honor as many of the three remaining great-grandfathers as possible. Teddy’s middle name, Merit, was my maternal grandfather’s middle, which left my father’s father (Harvey Asa Gilbert) and Trevor’s two grandfathers (Peter Young and William Munro). Remarkably, we came up several girl combos that successfully nodded to all three!
There was much brainstorming on the boy front. Names were dissected and reattached in every possible way, and early on a namey friend suggested Walter as a combo of William and Peter. I loved it, especially because Walter was one of my favorite characters in the Anne of Green Gables series.
Very early in the pregnancy, we had a scare that sent us to the emergency room. I thought I was likely losing the baby. I asked Trevor if he’d be up for one last name discussion while we were waiting in the ER, and he happily obliged. It was then that I first suggested Walter, which we both really liked and strongly considered as a first name. Thankfully, we saw a happy little heartbeat that night, and all continued to be well. And there were many, MANY more name discussions.
I know you will believe me that this name-obsessed girl exhausted every possible way to honor all three grandfathers, but at the end of the day, after fifteen years, I really still just wanted a Gus. By about the halfway point, we abandoned all the name acrobatics and agreed on a combo from my original list that only honored one of the grandfathers, but it got me my Gus. With that settled, I stuck a pin in it and focused on girl names for a few months.
I’m not sure what shifted in Trevor’s mind about two months before Milo was born, but he suddenly seemed to realize that the baby might actually be a boy and that he needed to pay more attention to the boy name situation. On closer scrutiny, he didn’t think he could live with the name we’d chosen. I may or may not have cried. Pregnancy hormones and all.
We avoided the subject for a couple weeks, but time was short, so we needed to get back on the horse. I sent Trevor back to my original list of five or so boy names I had written down (the same one that HE had chosen our first option from, I might add).
He chose Milo, and happily, I realized it was my favorite of the remaining names, too. I loved the simplicity of a name that needed no nickname, no explanations, no engineering to get all the pieces to fit. I loved that Milo, the Latin form of Miles, took us right back to the beginning of our boy name story and the name that Pippa would have been. Our name style has changed over the years, but apparently not that much!
Milo’s middle name honors his Daddy’s two grandfathers and will always remind me of that night in the ER when I thought I was losing him and had him graciously given back to me.
And that is how the Youngs name a boy completely from scratch. I told you there would be drama!
(If anyone is curious and has a LOT of free time, I’ll link the other name stories here. Maybe get yourself a nice cup of coffee first! Pippa, Romilly, Beatrix and Juniper share one post here. Then click each name to read stories for Coraline, Niko, Delia, Annis, Lewis, Verity, Teddy, and Freya.
A caveat: I record my birth stories mainly for my own memory (because I never think I’ll forget, but I do) and also for people out there who just enjoy birth stories. (I do!) So, it’s long and it’s probably more detailed than it needs to be, but hey, now you’ve been warned 🙂
I had very high hopes for Milo’s birth. Freya’s pregnancy and delivery were rough (you can read her birth story here), but this pregnancy had been so different. I started the pregnancy 35 lbs lighter and had eaten well and exercised right till the end. My blood pressure had not been an issue, my blood sugars were beautiful. I passed all of my geriatric mom hurdles with flying colors and felt like quite the star patient of my new midwife office (my beloved Barbara retired a couple months after Freya was born).
That is, until my 38 week appointment. My blood pressure was only a little bit high, but high enough that they ordered bloodwork to check for preeclampsia (nope) and told me to keep an eye on my BP at home. I was told to call if it got higher than 145/95 (either top or bottom number reaching those thresholds). At home, it behaved nicely for the next couple days.
Two days later at a routine non-stress test to monitor baby’s heart rate and movement, my BP was 140/86. She rechecked me a few minutes later and the systolic was 142. Both were below my threshold, so I wasn’t worried, but I could tell the nurse was. She consulted the doctor and then delivered the news I was hoping not to hear this time: I needed to be induced for high blood pressure. Again. Despite all my healthy eating and exercising. I wasn’t going to get to labor naturally at home in my bath tub and get to the hospital just in time like the good old days.
I shed a few tears at the sudden change of plans and at the realization that I wasn’t going to get to pack my own hospital bag or kiss my babies goodbye before embarking on this ordeal. Then I rallied, called Trevor, and drove myself to the other side of the hospital to check myself into labor and delivery.
Once I was settled in my air-conditioned room with lovely nurses chatting with me, I began to remember some of the benefits of an induction. No parenting between contractions, no playing the when-is-it-time-to-go-in game (which always happens awkwardly in the middle of the night!). Just a comfortable room with a TV and some extended date time with Trevor.
I was swabbed for COVID (negative!), which was not as terrible as I had feared, although the swab was certainly long enough to reach right into my brain! I was pleasantly distracted from getting my IV inserted by the nurse on my left by having to list all my children’s birth dates for the nurse on my right. I breathed a sigh of relief once all that was done, and when Trevor arrived a couple hours later with Chick-fil-A, I felt excited to get started on having a baby.
My midwife (Kerith was my midwife for that first afternoon, isn’t that a beautiful name?!) suggested skipping the first medication I had had with Freya’s induction (cervadil) since I was already very slightly dilated, and starting with a stronger oral med (cytotec). I remarked happily (but mostly kiddingly) to Trevor that that should mean a 12-hour-shorter labor!
I felt mild contractions from the cytotec, but I was still mostly able to sleep through that first night, and when I woke up I had progressed from 1 to 2 cm. We started pitocin that morning at around 10. I was allowed to eat breakfast since things weren’t super far along yet. (And since I had told every nurse and midwife since we arrived on Wednesday afternoon not to expect a baby before Friday based on my previous labors!)
That day was mostly spent passing the time in between very noticeable but manageable contractions. We watched some TV, played on our phones, chatted. I even crocheted a little. Around 3 we video chatted with the kids, and I was still able to fake smile through contractions well enough to fool all but the most observant. We thought maybe we’d chat again later that evening.
I skipped lunch in favor of some snacks, but by dinner time I was hungry and still only 3 cm as of my most recent check, so they let me eat a proper meal.
After dinner I settled into some hard, strong, regular contractions that felt like they were really doing something. There was no way I was going to have that second video call with the kids. I put on some music and got into my zone for an hour or two. Trevor and I both sensed that things were getting close, but then…
At 7pm, the shifts changed. A new midwife (Pat) and the nurse team from the previous night (Lisa and Taylor) came in in a flurry of activity and introduced themselves . We picked up that there were several other moms close to delivering (including two sets of twin moms!) and something in me seemed to switch off. It wasn’t my turn yet.
My contractions spaced out a bit and became less intense. For a while I didn’t mind the break. Trevor took a nap in my bed while I labored in a chair. But by the time midnight rolled around and nothing much was happening, I was frustrated and ready to make some progress again.
Pat the midwife checked me, and I was 7 cm. Those hard contractions had been doing something after all! But at this point, my body wasn’t responding as well to the pitocin any more. We both remembered from Freya’s labor that the pitocin receptors get used up after too many hours of pitocin and they need to be flushed in order for the body to respond properly again. (I was skeptical of this last time, but apparently it is a real thing!) The midwife suggested switching it off completely at 1 am and switching it back on at 2 to have a baby.
At this point, although my contractions were weak, they felt like transition contractions, like it was *almost* go time. I agreed to the switch-off plan, but secretly thought my labor might just keep ticking along. It didn’t! With the pitocin off, I had two or three more weak contractions, and then absolutely nothing.
I’m not quite sure why, but this made me feel panicked. Like, that the baby might be trying to be born, but we had just switched off the vehicle that could make it happen. It was so strange to feel so close to giving birth and then suddenly be not at all in labor. We called Pat back into the room, and she listened to my concerns and hooked me back up to the monitor.
She reassured me that baby was fine, and we restarted pitocin at a little after 2am as planned.
They set me at a low dose, so although the contractions again felt *almost* like pushing contractions, they were sometimes ten or more minutes apart, intense but not quite strong enough to push with. It was a strange part of labor to be stuck at. With every contraction, she asked if I felt the urge to push. “I don’t know. Sort of?”
We also saw during this time that baby’s heart rate was dropping during contractions, which I don’t remember ever happening with my previous births (although for most of them I wasn’t hooked up to continuous monitoring.) It scared me, and I remember thinking (wishing, maybe?) that I might at any moment be whisked away for a c-section. I felt that my labor was never going to end, and at the same time, my old familiar fear of pushing haunted me.
Finally, at around 4, Pat suggested breaking my water. She really thought that would progress things quickly and I’d have my baby in no time. I think she was more nervous about the heart decelerations than she let on, and I am thankful in hindsight for her good poker face.
This was when things got exciting. I was lying on my side in my (state of the art, fancy, convertible, just-for-giving-birth-in) bed when she broke my water, which was the position I fully expected to give birth in. This was at 4:41 am.
On my very next contraction, I felt the familiar urge to push that had eluded me for so long. Suddenly Pat sprang into action, frantically instructing the nurses to remove the bottom part of the bed and raise the whole bed up, so she could deliver the baby without bending down (bad back, apparently). Just moments later on the second contraction, I was pushing and there was no stopping me.
Some of the events here I am only aware of because Trevor told me afterwards, but we have now pieced together enough of Milo’s actual birth to perform a very entertaining reenactment using our living room chair with the ottoman playing the part of the removable piece of the delivery bed.
I was lying on the crack of the removable piece when Pat ordered it to be dropped out from under me, so I scrambled (while giving birth, remember!) to scooch myself backwards onto the part of the bed that was staying put, while holding onto the arm supports for dear life. Then Pat told the nurses to raise the foot supports and get my legs up. I have never liked this position and vehemently told them no. The nurse on my left listened to me and stopped, but the one on my right kept trying to get my leg up.
Meanwhile, baby! Pat was desperately trying to encourage me to slow down and not push so hard, but I saw my window of escape and I was not to be reasoned with. I hated the pushing, but I knew it meant the end and my baby.
Milo came flying into the world on a moving table, caught (Trevor says rather precariously, midflight) by a very surprised midwife who apparently didn’t really expect breaking my water to work quite so quickly. He arrived at 4:53 AM, 12 minutes after my water was broken and exactly 12 hours to the minute later than the time Freya was born, just as I had predicted.
There was an immediate chorus of “it’s a boy!” I laughed and cried and thanked Jesus aloud and possibly even quoted some Scripture. Although we had both really felt strongly that he might be a boy, hearing those words still came as such a complete shock. Trevor was very quiet and serious for a while after he was born (I discovered later that this mainly because he had just watched them nearly drop first me and then Milo on the floor, and maybe only a little bit because we had actually had a boy this time.) Meanwhile I was raised as high as the bed would go to receive the couple of stitches I needed. I’m sure I was about four feet off the ground. I do believe we saw this magical bed perform just about every function in its repertoire!
Despite a rather frantic few moments at the end, I truly loved the team that brought Milo into the world. In the aftermath of his birth, the room was aglow with warm laughter and chatting and excitement. A nurse from a previous shift even stopped by to show me the prediction she had jotted down on a napkin the day before: “male”!
He latched on well right away, and we had a long sweet cuddle before they borrowed him to clean and weigh him. I know it didn’t feel it at the time (maybe it never does?) but I look back on his birth already with such fondness. It wasn’t the birth I thought I wanted, but it was just the right story for him.
“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.”
1 Samuel 1:27 ESV
Friends, if you have been reading here for a while, you will understand the gravity of what I am about to say:
We had a BOY!
It is with joy and a little bit of awe that I introduce to you…
Milo Walter Young
Born 7/3/20 at 4:53 am,
weighing 6 lbs 13 oz.
I want to be very clear here that we have never been “trying for the boy”. We have boys, and they are wonderful! And we have always been overjoyed to welcome each of our girls. Like, no disappointment EVER!
But around the time we found out Freya was a girl, although I was so excited for her, I did have a sense that, at my age, I might never get to experience having a baby boy (which would have been fine!)
But in that moment (and quite a few after it), I lifted up an uncharacteristically specific prayer to God, that if there were to be any more babies, I would really love a boy.
When Milo was placed on my chest, I wept in praise of a God who not only faithfully meets my every need, but even extravagantly hears and answers prayers from the deep (and perhaps frivolous!) desires of my heart. Pippa told me after he was born that she was adding this to her list of “God is real” moments. He certainly is!
“The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.”
As I type this we are two days from entering the “green phase” of finding our new post-pandemic normal. We have cautiously begun having small gatherings, and soon we will be able to gather for church and other events together. It’s been a weird time, these three months, but there have been many unexpected blessings. Time at home without appointments and distractions from family life has actually been lovely, especially since we finished school a couple weeks ago. While I have missed seeing the people I love face to face (so much!), I can’t say I have missed the rigorous pace of therapies and appointments that we usually have to keep.
In the midst of these strange times, we welcomed a new niece and cousin into our family! A little over a week past her due date (which is not nearly as tardy and stubborn as her mama was!), Brooke May made her grand debut. We are all so smitten.
Hello, Jodi from mid July here! The above was a draft from June that never got finished. I will publish it for the sake of continuity, but stay tuned for more big news soon!
Apparently, Newton invented calculus while under quarantine. Shakespeare wrote King Lear. Painters painted and writers wrote very famous things. I think my legacy from this plague of ours shall be that I kept 12 (and a half!) children alive and fed while THEY did some pretty cool things with all their extra free time. As for me, I’m kind of just getting through the day most of the time!
Coraline just finished reading The Lord of the Rings. The whole trilogy. I realize reading a classic is not quite the same as writing one, but she is only eight. When I attempted to slog through it in high school I only made it halfway through the second book!
Bea has adopted a sour dough starter and taken up a new baking hobby with great zeal. We are all very thankful beneficiaries!
Ro has been asking me nearly every day when she’s finished her school work, for as long as I can remember, “Mom, can I type?”. I almost always say yes, though I never really knew quite what she was up to. It turns out that right under my nose she has written some 162 pages of a fantasy novel! She hasn’t let me read it yet (even though I gave birth to her), but my mom has read it and seems very impressed. I’ll let you know when it goes to print 😉
And of course, there has been So. Much. Crocheting! I’ve started checking before they start a new project to make sure they have a home in mind for it that isn’t mine, but we are getting overrun here.
Pippa especially has been using her crochet skills to try to bless others (for which I and my limited toy storage space thank her!). I especially love this little lady for a nurse friend of ours who is on the frontlines working with COVID patients.
The boys are continuing to do well at home. We are surviving “distance learning” and very happy to have them here with us. They are working on new skills, too.
And there! Now I’ve written a blog post, so I’m not being completely unproductive after all 🙂
It’s been almost a year since I told you all I would start blogging more regularly. Man makes plans, and God laughs! It has been a whirlwind of a year, and I have started several posts and abandoned them in the busy-ness of life and in circumstances that change faster than I can blog about them.
But now, it doesn’t make sense to blog about anything other than THE SITUATION AT HAND: this strange thing that has affected every corner of the world and is changing every aspect of how we do life.
But first, some happy updates. I began a post back in November to tell you that my baby sister, the one who had just gotten married, is expecting her first baby! Before I even had a chance to finish that post, though, I discovered that we are also expecting again (and you know how that always makes the blog go quiet for a while!)
I am 26 1/2 weeks pregnant as I type this, and I am still in awe that I should be given this honor and privilege once again at my age. To get to share it with my sister is a joy I could never have dreamed of.
This has been my healthiest pregnancy since my 20s, thanks in large part to the eating plan I had just begun when I posted last April, the Trim Healthy Mama Plan. I am quite evangelical about it, but that is a topic for another post if people want to hear more. We also began running as a family (not usually in a huge horde, just a couple at a time!) last August using the Couch 2 5K program. We all ran our first 5K in November (I may have also told you about that in THE POST THAT NEVER WAS), and I am proud to say I am still running 5k at least once a week even at 6 months pregnant. But maybe not for much longer… the weather’s rapidly warming up these days! After Freya’s slightly scary pregnancy, I knew I needed to make changes for the sake of all these little people I am responsible for. The Lord has been so kind in this area, and I am thankful that my blood pressure, cholesterols, and weight are all in healthy ranges now.
Now, this pandemic. We are all safe and well! I do wonder if there may come a time when this thing affects us much more profoundly than it has so far, but it does feel pretty profound already.
March 13th was the day everything stopped. The boys have now been home from school for almost 4 weeks. Delia has not had her ABA therapy in that time. There have been no church, no AWANA, no trips to Pop-pop’s house. No visits with friends, no adoption support group. All of my usual chances to catch my breath were stripped away in an instant. For the first two weeks, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I was impatient with the kids, and every little thing made me cry (or at least feel like crying). The thought of carrying on like this for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG felt overwhelming… impossible even!
By God’s grace, things have gotten better! Instead of dwelling in the hard of this (because, as I have said through tears dozens of times to my mom and Trevor, “Everything is fine! Nothing is wrong!”), I want to share some wonderful praises:
Did I mention we are all healthy? It is so easy to get caught up in all that we have lost in this ordeal. It *feels* like a loss of freedom. But I am daily more aware of how much more others have lost. This thing is frightening. People are dying. I am thankful for those going to work every day while we are free to stay home and stay safe.
Our needs are completely met. Trevor is still working. Also, because my mom works at a grocery store, we have been able to get all of our essentials despite food limits which have been challenging to other families our size (or, you know, near our size!)
The boys are doing SO WELL at home!. I mean, like, I-might-just-homeschool-them-next-year well. We had an initial adjustment period of about a week as we learned to all be home together every day, but since then, I have enjoyed Lewis and Teddy more than I have in so long. They have relaxed back into our family. They smile at us more, give hugs more freely, even share better than they did when they were at school every day. We are doing a bit of school work after lunch most days and they love it! (Unlike homework time, which was often rather a struggle, even though it was exactly the same worksheets we’re doing now!) On Monday we begin official mandatory distance learning, which I think will be harder. You can pray for that, including for this die-hard homeschool mama’s attitude, which is not currently awesome about the whole thing.
I hope this update finds you all safe and well, and clinging to the One who is not surprised by any of it. I know my good days are the ones when I manage to remember that.
I will really try to be back soon this time. Really, really!
I always think I’ll have more time for things like blogging when school is over, but it never seems to work like that.
We’ve had a couple of days at lakes in the Poconos. Teddy was unimpressed by the water the first time, and mostly hung out with me in my “nest of warmth and dryness”, but the second time he was much more adventurous!
We’ve also had a few days at my dad’s house, a wonderful haven with a tire swing and a trampoline and tractor rides and chickens, and most of all a delicious meal I don’t have to cook!
The kids’ Sunday school class treated our whole family to a field trip to a life-size replica of the tabernacle of the Old Testament out in Lancaster. Niko volunteered to be a priest in the demonstration. Earlier in the tour, Lewis had played the part of Joseph with Bea and Teddy as his jealous older brothers. Oh, how I wish I gad acted quickly enough to get a video of that!
We had a lovely visit with my grandparents, who are both in their nineties and are blessed to still be together in their assisted living home after 72 years of marriage! Grandmom is on hospice care, and looking forward to meeting her Lord, but we were very thankful for the time we still have with her. She is one of two Alices in whose honor we chose Romilly’s middle name, so it was extra special for Ro to get to see her.
Over the holiday weekend, we were thankful to have Verity and Teddy dedicated in church. Verity wore the same dress that each of our babies has worn (and tried to eat the pastor’s mic! Cheeky!)
Fourth of July saw us at Teddy’s first big parade. He jumped right in and started dancing with a Bolivian dance troupe, which, thankfully, they were totally cool about 🙂
And finally, we celebrated Bea’s 10th birthday with a day out to the Garden State Discovery Museum, to which we now have a membership. (Kudos to them for, unlike every other attraction we looked into, not limiting number of children on a family membership!) The kids loved it, even the ones who were slightly too big to love it 😉
The slower pace of summer has been just what we’ve all needed to adjust to life as a family of thirteen. Teddy is doing so, so well, and we are all finding our new groove.
This sweet face belonged to our first baby. He was our practice kid who experienced our first feeble attempts at parenting. Our Gulliver.
He was the center of our universe for a few years…
…And then had to find his new place in the pecking order when Pippa arrived. (She wasn’t that much fun at first.)
He’s had to find it a few more times since then, but he has always remained a beloved member of the family.
We loved this boy dearly, and we said goodbye to him on Thursday, at the ripe old age of thirteen. He had been declining since last winter, and hadn’t been able to walk well enough to go for a walk since the summer.
We postponed the inevitable for as long as we could, and we were thankful Guvvy got one last visit with Adrian. They were old pals.
On Wednesday, we had a particularly rough day. Mr. G went potty and then fell sideways into his mess. While I was giving him his emergency bath, Junie managed to knock Coraline over and give her a bloody lip, and suddenly I knew I had to make the call. After months of wondering if he would just go peacefully on his own or if I would have to make the most horrible decision ever, and wondering how I would ever know it was time to make that decision, I just knew. Only I was too much of a mess to talk, so I called my sister instead and made her call the vet for me.
The next day, we took our sweet boy to his last appointment. Romilly came with us: she wanted to be there. Through tears, we all gathered round him to say our last goodbyes, and then just like that it was over. I could no longer feel his heart beating under his too-skinny ribs. It was so much harder than I ever could have imagined.
The blog has been quiet lately (it’s because Trevor has been switched to day shifts(!), and I don’t seem to know how to be productive when he’s home in the evenings with me anymore – a good problem to have!), but I wanted to pop in to wish everyone a Merry Christmas from our family to yours. May God bless you abundantly with His peace and joy this holiday season.